Shame, as I’ve learned from Brené Brown recently, stems from a fear of disconnection.
For example Bob doesn’t tell his parents he’s gay for fear of being disowned.
Ironically though, in some cases shame’s argument to not confess does more harm when it comes to disconnection.
For example finding out your husband cheated on you a year ago feels like a much larger betrayal of trust, because they had to maintain the lie than finding out the next day.
In that sense, shame is ironically, ensuring its worst case scenario becomes a reality.
Thomas Duggan 