Changing people

I think first and foremost you shouldn’t be looking for major surgery. That will only lead to frustration.

Secondly I think the best change happens when the individual is motivated to change themselves. Otherwise you’ll just be nagging and they’ll be resenting.

Thirdly I think if you want someone to make a minor change and want to gauge that motivation you have to be weary of their ego.

The feedback will land ten a hundred times better if they’re not in a defensive mood. A soft approach like – Have you ever thought of changing your…

Finally I think to evoke the change you want you can reward or punish behaviour and I think the best method for lasting change is to over celebrate when the desired action happens. Think the reactions the Queer Eye folk give when the individual reveals their new outfits.

Then as a post script, I would ask is this change for you or for them?

If you want them to eat healthier so that they live longer then well done you.

If you want them to improve their vocabulary so that it doesn’t look like you’re dating a neanderthal then you should probably look to yourself for that change.