For anyone who struggles to say no, Phoebe has a very funny line in the first episode of friends. When asked if she’d like to help Ross move, she replies:
“I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n780KlqdEwE
We can laugh at it because it’s so blunt and she’s not saying it to us, it’s a TV show.
But you could rarely get away with that in real life.
The reality is that most people care about the social implications of being so direct. They don’t want to be rude but they also want to say no.
They know that repeatedly using this reply has consequences such as: the drying up of social invitations and the weakening of relationships.
The pro is the person who can say no without losing a wink of sleep.
Who says it in such a way that the questioner doesn’t regret asking and feels they’ve been considered and shown respect. It’s a skill that can prevent a lot of internal turmoil.
Thomas Duggan 