Measuring respect

Unfortunately Frederick recently injured his hand in an unfortunate knitting accident so Alastair is helping him fill out his form.

Alastair: Name?

Fred: Frederick Kensington

Alastair: Position?

Fred: Credit Analyst

Alastair: Life goal?

Fred: I want to earn the respect of others!

Alastair: Hmmm the form wants you to write a measurable goal. How would you measure the respect of others?

Fred: I don’t know maybe the amount of fearful glances I get in a day?

Alastair: Maybe we can send a survey?

Fred: I think asking people if they respect me will hinder me greatly!

Alastair: What about the number of people who make fun of you?

Fred: Or how many people listen to my opinion?

Alastair: How long you can make someone uncomfortable in a conversation?

Fred: How much my car costs?

Alastair: How long you can leave your lunch in the fridge before someone throws it out!

Fred: The amount of laughs I can get from telling a terrible joke.

Alastair: How many followers you have?

Fred: How far I can get away with ridiculous demands?

Alastair: How many people show up at your funeral! Oh well you’d have to die for that one.

Fred: How about the number of countries I’ve been to?

Alastair: What score you get on a Buzzfeed charisma test!

Fred: How many people show up late to my meetings and by how long.

Alastair: How many people borrow a pen and actually give it back to you!

Fred: That’s it! That’s the KPI we’re looking for!

Alastair writes it down.

Alastair: Ok weaknesses, will I put down – need to be liked?