Feeling alive

Let’s say hypothetically that we can see into the future and after years of blood, sweat and tears, you don’t ‘make it’ as a creative.

Will you regret the time spent?

Will you look back on your efforts with bitter disappointment and shame or was it a worthwhile journey?

Whilst you contemplate the above question I thought I would tell you about my Youtube channel.

I’ve always loved movies and I had long suspected that I was destined to become a filmmaker but was never brave enough to act on this notion.

Until 2018, when I decided to take the plunge and create my first short film.

Since then I have come to the conclusion that filmmaking is not for me. But in my brief amateur career I made 8 short films and 4 short videos.

In total my channel got 642 views.

642.

Spread across 12 videos.

That’s an average of 54 views per video!

The typical amateur YouTube channel gets a minimim of 1,000 views per video. I couldn’t reach 1,000 views with 12 videos!

Despite this embarassingly low volume of engagement I’m quite proud of my work and my small filmmaking career.

Because in order to do it I had to leave my comfort zone.

I discovered things about myself I never would have known if I continued to sit on the couch wondering.

I found out I was more resourceful than I thought.

I got raw first hand experience in decision making, directing others, project management, adapting to constraints and working to a deadline to name a few.

There was no running to a higher up for approval, I was the one doing the approving!

To complete each film I had to wrestle with my fear of judgement, fear of failure and limiting self beliefs.

I draw great self confidence from the whole experience.

I agree with Joseph Campbell when he said:

“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive”

When I was filmmaking I felt nervous and excited but most importantly – I felt alive!

No amount of content consumption can compare with the thrill of creating!

So, to wrap this up, my point is, you don’t have to live in Hollywood for you to enjoy your creative endeavours.

Something to consider when mulling over the afformentioned question.